When your brain won’t let you sleep

I’ve had a hard year. Divorced, angry and hurt adult children, moved house, my cat died, sleepless nights, so many sleepless nights. Did I mention my cat died?

I was laying here trying to go back to sleep, my mind bombarded by random thoughts. I usually try to fight them, deny them, breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth as my counselor taught me. Doesn’t work so well when you’re on your back. Often I count backwards from 50, falling asleep in my 30’s or 20’s.

Tonight I did something new- I welcomed the random thoughts one by one, focusing on each one in turn, like kids waiting to sit on Santa’s lap.

“Jen’s with Mom in the States for Christmas”.

That’s nice, next

“The staff didn’t say ‘thank you’ for their Christmas bonuses”

Maybe they are waiting till Christmas to open the card or maybe Chinese don’t say thank you for stuff they feel they have earned. They certainly earned them. Next..

I continued a bit longer until something wonderful happened…

Next…

Next..

Next.

Silence.

Wow!