2020 leaves with a “shart”!
My partner and I celebrated the departure of 2020 by tearing up 2020 calendars, imbibing in white wine and party mix, and watching an Egyptian action video on Netflix. It was less of a welcome to 2021 and more of a send off for 2020. I thought I was done with 2020 until I woke up this morning and went to pee. Standing over the toilet, longing for some coffee, I had a “gatekeeper fart”, you know the release of gas that seems to relax the muscles around your ureter so that you can pee after a long night’s sleep. Only I didn’t fart, I sharted! “Shit!” I said as I yanked down my absorbent downy jammer bottoms and sat down on the toilet. The insides of my jammies were soiled! At first I thought “Ok 2021, is this what it’s going to be like?” But then I realized — it wasn’t 2021 but the last of 2020 shitting on me from beyond the grave. How appropriate! It’s like Donald Trump fucking up the works of government for the incoming Biden administration. It was then I realized that 2020 wouldn’t fully end until January 20, 2021 at noon. Until then President Trump will continue to shart in our nation’s jammie bottoms and we’ll just have to live with it.